Post Delivery Blues

The first time I visited Angelica at the hospital's NICU, she looked so small in her basinette, with pinkish skin & lots of hair on her head. It looked like she got her Dad's eyes...not so with the nose :( ! Oh, how I longed to touch & hug her. Her intensivist told me to start breastfeeding her...I tried even though it was difficult & painful & she had a hard time getting my milk. It was not so comfortable at first but I gradually got used to it! I loved feeling her soft skin & smooth silky hair ( they were so black!). It was an unforgettable moment for me...to touch, smell & kiss her for the first time!

I thought we could bring her home with us on the 3rd hospital day, however, her Pediatrician told us that she had to stay at the NICU for further observation because she was jaundiced & her bilirubin levels were a bit over the normal values. Dr. Mantaring just wanted to make sure that there was no hemolytic reaction as the underlying cause. Angelica got her Dad's blood type which is B+ while I am O+. We were even told about the possibility of an exchange transfusion ( as the last option if proven there was an incompatibility ). We both prayed that this wouldn't happen...she was so young to undergo a lot of pain from pricks & intravenous insertions. I felt so helpless at that time, I didn't know what to think, to decide , so it was my husband who made all the decisions at that time.

I was really very hesitant to leave Angelica in the hospital, but we had no choice because our doctors gave us no assurance of the date as to when Angelica could go home...maybe a few days more, weeks or months. Oh God, I hope it was not that serious! We went home with a heavy heart, I couldn't get my eyes off her when I last visited her at the NICU. She was lying there under the "bili" lights with eyes & genitalia covered with black cloth. I said good bye to her silently, controlling my tears...it was such a painful moment!